ഇനി എത്ര ദൂരം

 

 Letting Myself Be

 

These days, I had been feeling strange.

Something inside me didn’t sense right.

I couldn’t describe it clearly, but there was a heaviness—

like a silent storm was moving through me.

It wasn’t just grief. It was rather deeper…

something I didn’t know how to confront.

 

That same night, I experienced a dream.

 

I was standing in a wide, silent field.

The sky on high was soft and golden, gleaming as in the evening light.

The wind was blowing gently through the tall grass. I had no idea where I was going—but I didn’t need to as if I was escaping the things I could no longer carry. I saw a little house stood quietly, I simply took a few steps towards it.                                                               

There was a little room -a room of home, of comfort, of familiarity.

There were my old books. A soft chair.

And a calm light filling the area.

It felt like a part of me I had forgotten.

There lay on the table a folded paper. I opened it.

 

 “You are in the process of healing. You’re not lost. You are taking the road back”

I sat there silently.

I felt like the weight begin to loosen its grip, not disappear.

When I rose, nothing around me had changed—

but something within me had.

 

The agony didn’t disappear,

but I knew I could carry it differently now.

Jushaini. P

Assistant Professor of English

Al Shifa College of Arts and Science, Keezhattur, Perinthalmanna.