It’s All Mom’s Fault!

 The blame game in Indian households frequently results in the mothers of the home being found fully responsible. In the critically acclaimed film Tumhari Sulu, starring Vidya Balan as a stereotypical homemaker turned radio host, Sulu is blamed and criticized by her family for her son's school suspension. They believe that her son's bad behaviour is a result of her "strange employment at night." 

Because these situations occur so frequently in modern culture, moms frequently find it difficult to escape the grip of such blaming and guilt-tripping. It's only one method that society as a whole handles problems with child behaviour. Here, the question arises: WHY SO? According to research, the Indian patriarchal system has made it clear that mothers are responsible for taking care of the family and are, thus, to blame when a child does something wrong. Parenting, which is the joint obligation of both parents, has been gendered and exclusively placed on the mother's shoulders. 

The important thing to take away from this is that MOM GUILT is never a good way to handle this problem. It is usually preferable to consider the circumstance or analyse it before assigning blame. We even sort of feel "secure" when we feel guilty. By berating ourselves first, we protect ourselves from possible criticism from others. We may not be aware of the possibility that this could have a bad impact that causes depression later on.

The first step in recognising, understanding, and overcoming mom guilt is to never feel guilty for something you have not done. Parenting is a shared obligation that must be established from the start of the marriage. Others won't take a risk on us until we stop blaming ourselves and accept the blunders for which we are not accountable.

Thus, important realisations include the fact that everyone makes mistakes from time to time, not all issues require assigning blame on mother’s, we all act and make decisions based on our righteousness and guilt, therefore, we ought to give ourselves credit for all of our positive parenting decisions as well. What has happened is gone; we cannot go back and change the past, but we can shape the future. Therefore, realising that preserves our bodily and mental wellness. Our kids adore us just as much as we love them. Even if your child were sad, she wouldn't be resting in her room now criticizing you for everything.

As I conclude, I would want to add that we are the best role models for our children in terms of parenting, meaningful relationships, and as contributing members of this society. They watch us everywhere, so we don't want to raise a generation where parenting is gendered and mothers are made to feel like the victim, REMEMBER!

Ms. Mini. V. K

Assistant Professor of Commerce, Al Shifa College of Arts and Science, Kizhattoor, Perinthalmanna