Six Years of Love, One Week of Eustress: A Wedding Tale

 

Have you heard about eustress? Initially, it may bring bitterness, but eventually, it leaves a small smile on our faces when we reminisce about it. I want to share a eustress experience I had before my wedding. The first time I heard about the concept of eustress was during my degree. In psychology, we categorize stress mainly into two types: distress, it has negative impact on you, while eustress, which has positive impact. Eustress impact is short term and distress impact is long term. Eustress is energizing and motivates us, providing a positive outlook and the capability to overcome obstacles and challenges. Examples of experiences that may trigger eustress include stressful yet ultimately rewarding travel, challenging but fulfilling work, and desired major life changes, such as moving houses or getting married. Before I got married, it was merely an example of eustress, but now it’s a life experience I’ve faced.

In reality, we all inevitably encounter eustress numerous times in our lifetime. In the past year, specifically from approximately December 1 to December 23, I experienced eustress leading up to my wedding. The actual ceremony took place on December 23. Naturally, I found myself engrossed in wedding-related tasks throughout December. Most of my planning and sending out invitations occurred in the final days leading up to my wedding. Despite the busyness, I was really excited about my married life and a beautiful life with my partner. Amidst all the chaos, I even unintentionally forgot to invite some of my close friends and family to the wedding.

At times, I found myself questioning the purpose of so much stress, and often I was unaware of the reasons. During the last week before my marriage, I experienced disruptions like improper eating, unexplained anger, unnecessary thoughts, sudden awakenings, and a lack of interest in getting out of bed. Numerous questions flooded my mind about my life with my partner, interactions with my in-laws, adapting to new changes, and whether our home would feel like my own. Despite these uncertainties, I was incredibly excited about the life with my partner and that I had dreamed for the past six years—six years of love culminating in marriage.

Familiarity with my husband and in-laws over this period didn’t shield me from stress, perhaps highlighting why we call it eustress—a mix of excitement and stress. As a psychologist, I was fully aware that these feelings existed only until my marriage, constituting a part of eustress that would fade away afterward. Looking back, the funniest part was the day before my wedding when I amusingly asked my husband if there was any chance of extending the wedding date. Reflecting on the questions and stress from that last week of marriage now feels comical. My husband even teases me about the inquiries I made during that time. Despite the humor, I acknowledge that my eustress, up to a certain limit, helped me to prepare myself for the wedding and energized me to complete pending tasks. I want to express my gratitude to my husband for tolerating and dealing with my unnecessary thoughts in a positive way. The eustress not only provided valuable insights into my resilience but also paved the way for a memorable beginning to the beautiful journey my partner and I embarked upon.                             

Sameema Sabini. P. P, Assistant Professor of Psychology, Al Shifa College of Arts and Science, Kizhattoor, Perinthalmanna