ഇനി എത്ര ദൂരം

 

If You See Something Wrong in Someone, Tell Them, Not Others

Sameera’s blog ‘If You See Something Beautiful in Someone, Tell Them’ is the sole reason for me writing this blog entry. When I say “sole reason”, it doesn’t mean there are no circumstances that led me into this decision. Let me get into the background details. One of the major reasons I admire the Department of Languages is the beautifully vocalized, rationally structured, intellectually stimulating conversations and discussion that happen there. Febina miss, Renjitha miss, Jushaini miss, Radhika miss, Sameera miss, Irshad sir and the best orator in the department, Nasila miss contributes novel ideas and thoughts onto the table of discussion. Just like mustard seeds crackling in boiling oil, it crackles, and brings in an altogether new perspective. That, I think, is the beauty of having such intellectually strong colleagues. But today, it was Farhan sir that passed a very casual, yet striking, (for me at least) comment when talking about Sameera’s blog. He said he’ll write another blog in contrast to Sameera’s idea which would be “If you see something bad about others, tell others”. That was a very passive comment meaning no harmful intentions, but this thought strikes in me- Why not write about that!!!

So here is that blog entry of mine where I would like to speak about “If You See Something Wrong in Someone, Tell Them, Not Others”.

If you see something beautiful in someone, tell them. Let them feel the surge of happiness when appreciation comes their way. Tell them when they look beautiful, tell them when their presence creates a calm space for you, tell them when they inspire you, and tell them they are a wonderful human when you feel like it. Because, for us, it might be just a few words spoken at a very random moment, but for them, it might make a light shine in their life when they are at their lowest. It might make their day a beautiful one.

But there is another side to this.

If you see something wrong in someone, tell them. Not to the people around you, not to your colleagues, not to your friends, not to the world. Tell them.

This world we live in spreads information in a matter of seconds. Something that someone had done wrong might be topic for the next dinner table conversation. For us it maybe a casual comment, a passive statement, something irrelevant, an innocent “JOKE.” But for them, it might be like an arrow piercing their heart, it might be a blow to their head at an unexpected moment, it might be the reason for a sleepless night of theirs, a reason for creating a self-doubt in them. What feels like a small joke to one person might become a lasting memory for another. The person who is supposed to know their flaws, who is most capable of solving the problem is most often the last one to know about it. By then, they would’ve turned into a laughing stock for the others.

And what is it for us? CONCERN? OBSERVATION? ADVICE? These are the terms we use to justify the grave error that we have made.

Be kind. It costs nothing.

The same goes with gossip. We disguise it as concern for the other person, we disguise it as care, as our worry. But is it? Would you say the same matter is the person concerned is in the same room, sitting right beside you? If you get the answer NO, then that might not actually be termed “concern”, that is called “gossip.” Enjoying someone else’s flaw and being genuinely concerned about a person is entirely different. No one is perfect. Every one of us has blind spots. We have habits that we might not be conscious about. We make mistakes. But, growth becomes possible only when people are ready to confront these mistakes. But for that gossips are not going to help. Only if the person is made aware of their mistakes, they’ll be able to correct themselves. We might still remember that teacher who corrected us without embarrassing us, that friend who spoke to you with care about a mistake that you made, without mocking you, a colleague who spoke with honesty on areas you have to develop. Many of us became better because some people chose to have difficult conversations rather than making you a gossip topic. They had the option to laugh, to joke about you, to gossip, to judge, to stay silent. But they didn’t. They chose to speak to us. And that has made all the difference.

So, when you see something beautiful in someone, tell them.

And, when you see something wrong in them, tell them, not others.

 

Ms. Adithya S.

Assistant Professor of English

Al Shifa College of Arts and Science, Kizhattoor, Perinthalmanna