ഇനി എത്ര ദൂരം

 Time Doesn’t Heal Everything—It Teaches Us to Live with Loss 

People often say, “Time heals everything,” but for me, time does not erase the pain; instead, it gently teaches us how to carry our loss without letting it stop our lives. Healing is not forgetting; it is learning to live with an absence that never truly goes away. I was the youngest child in my home. My father and I always shared a special bond. For me, he was my caregiver. He was the one who always looked after my stuff more than my mother. He was the one who taught me to do things alone, and he never stopped me from doing anything. He always dreamed of our success. Everything changed during the second year of my postgraduate studies. One day, I received a phone call telling me that my father had been admitted to the hospital and that I should come home immediately. I packed my things and went. Throughout the journey, I kept praying that I would reach him in time. I held on to hope. Then something happened that I will never forget. While I was on the train, I happened to see one of my relatives’ WhatsApp statuses. It said that my father had passed away.

No one had told me directly. For a few moments, I just went blank. I stared at the screen, unable to understand what I had just read. My heart refused to accept it. I wanted someone to call and tell me that he was still alive. But he wasn’t. The hardest part was not just losing my father. The hardest part was realizing that from that very moment, my life had changed forever. The person who had been with me through every stage of my life would never again answer my calls, wait for me at home, ask about my day, or celebrate my achievements, and there would be no more hugs. Grief is not a single emotion. It is shock, denial, sadness, anger, guilt, and love all existing together.  In the beginning, our minds protect us from the full weight of reality. We know the person is gone, yet a part of us keeps expecting them to walk through the door. Sometimes we instinctively reach for the phone to call them. Perhaps that is one of the most painful parts of grief—not the day we lose someone, but the thousands of ordinary days that follow. Life continues to move forward, but our hearts often remain attached to the memories we shared with them. Slowly, something changes. Not because the pain becomes smaller, but because we become stronger. We learn to smile again without feeling guilty. We return to work. 

We laugh with friends. We continue our responsibilities. To others, it may look as though we have moved on. But grief does not disappear. It simply becomes a quiet companion. It stays hidden in old photographs, the moments we shared, empty chairs, and unexpected memories that arrive without warning. My father may no longer walk beside me, but he still walks within me. Every decision I make carries the confidence he gave me. Every achievement reminds me of how proudly he would have smiled. Every act of kindness reminds me of the compassionate person he was. Today, I still miss him. There are days when I cry a lot whenever I think about him. There are some moments I wish he could be with me; some days I just think if I could hug him again and hold his hand to walk with him again. But alongside the sadness, there is also gratitude. Maybe time doesn’t heal everything; it teaches us to live with it. 

Nusaira Nasreen
Assistant Professor of Psychology, Al Shifa College of Arts and Science, Keezhattur, Perinthalmanna.