ഇനി എത്ര ദൂരം

                                                                The Ice Pop Dilemma

Dear reader,

Is enjoying a cool ice pop on a hot summer day, in front of students (might I add), unbecoming of an academician?

A few weeks ago, when a colleague and I were heading back from the canteen, she started craving an ice pop after watching a student have one. I suggested that we walk back and get one for her but she outright rejected my suggestion. When I asked her why, she admitted she was worried about what the students might think. Heavens forbid they see an Assistant Professor enjoying an ice pop!

That really got me wondering: can enjoying an ice pop really cost an Assistant Professor her credibility? I tried reasoning with her that I didn't think the students would even care about it. But alas, we returned with hands and hearts deprived of ice pops.

As psychology professionals, we study self-presentation for a living but as it turns out, we're not immune to it. It took a colleague refusing an ice pop for me to realise how much we edit and filter ourselves, not just in front of students but also pretty much the rest of the world.

I'm reminded of a psychological concept called role engulfment: when one's job becomes one's entire identity and when a professional persona starts dictating everyday desires and even the simplest of them starts to feel like a risk to professional standing. Our profession, which was once an achievement, turns into our very own gilded cage. When did being an educator start meaning we have to erase the parts of us that make us human? 

It made me turn the question on myself. When had I last stopped myself from doing something harmless, simply because I imagined someone judging me for it? Though I encourage my students to ask me as many questions as possible, I don't shy away from telling them that I may not have all the answers; we figure things out and grow together. However, what I'm slower to admit is how I've learned to tiptoe while laughing and talking in professional settings. My colleague may worry about how students perceive her eating an ice pop but it’s no different from me being conscious of how I carry myself around campus.

There's nothing wrong with keeping ourselves in check or being mindful of how we talk and behave around others. Still, I think we should draw a line whenever necessary to prevent ourselves from losing our personality and turning into robots who come to college, preach and leave. We are more than just teachers. We have the ability to influence the lives of our students, actively or passively. I still find myself wanting to reach out to my old teachers whenever something good happens in my life, big or small. I want to be that person for my students too. Someone they can run to in times of celebration or hardship. I'd rather my name bring some peace to their mind, which I believe is possible when I'm as authentic as I can be with them. But I do acknowledge that it is indeed easier to write an article than to practice what we preach. Maybe the most authentic thing to do is to admit how hard authenticity actually is.

Now, over to you, my dear reader: when was the last time you let yourself be fully seen, by the people you teach or the people you share an ice pop with?

Yours truly,

Riya M.K.

Riya M. K.

Assistant Professor of Psychology

Al Shifa College of Arts and Science, Keezhattur, Perinthalmanna.